I just don't get it. Or maybe I do, but I choose not to accept the reality.
I have been feeling very frustrated with myself lately because I have been getting back term papers and projects and the same grade kept appearing and things are just not looking very bright. Naturally, I feel very worried because I'm very far from my personal goal. Did I set my expectations too high or am I just plain stupid?
I am not having an inferiority complex but seriously, after all that hard work, what I got was a measly grade and I feel so unjust, so upset, so confused.
I think I know, it's not the hours that count, it's the quality of work produced.
I realize this very saddening truth about myself, that I tend to limit my leisure & I sacrifice my sleep but all these things I do amount to NOTHING when I do not focus on the tasks at hand. And I failed to commit my plans to the Lord.
It's very troubling to know that I could have changed my style of learning but I didn't because it would mean stepping out of my comfort zone. This is particularly upsetting because it's something within my control and yet I failed to do it.
My seniors told me not to sacrifice sleep for work and that they'd rather feel guilty that their grades are mediocre because they didn't study than feel stupid like me when I have put in much effort. But I really don't wish to adopt this attitude of being lackadaisical about my work because after all, I am already very blessed to have my education sponsored and so I do not want to achieve mediocre grades BECAUSE of my lack of effort. I would rather feel stupid.
I just have to say, I need to change the way I prioritize my work, to re-evaluate what's happening to me and to really find an effective way of studying FOR UNIVERSITY. I think I am the kind who is so used to the rudimentary way of studying for secondary sch/JC examinations that the way university modules are graded still catches me off-guard.
I pray for the Lord's wisdom so that all that I do may be according to His will and plan for me (:
Hoping for a better month ahead. NOVEMBER! :D
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